Monday, January 13, 2014

Top 10 Reasons Why She's a Really Bad Passenger:

10. She'll distract you by feeding you apples she pares in the front seat. (Thoughtful, but really, can't we just eat the apples whole and not have someone wielding a sharp knife in a moving vehicle?)
9. She'll leave leftovers in the crevices of your car, deny that she has done so, and then complain that your car smells 3 days later.
8. She will try to give you directions. With hand signals. She will not understand why you do not understand "I told you to turn that way."
7. She will randomly exclaim, "We're lost! You have no idea where we're going!" whenever it takes longer than 15 minutes to arrive at any destination.
6. Heaven forbid that you actually make a wrong turn anywhere, because she will complain for the duration of the trip about your navigation and driving skills, even though she doesn't prefer driving on her own, and it was her idea to go to a new place that is very far away.
5. She won't directly tell you she doesn't like your route, she'll just complain passive-aggressively that "the other way is faster" or "the other way has less lights."
4. You are always driving too fast...unless she has somewhere to be. Then, you are always driving too slow.
3. She will give you directions exactly at the second they need to be happening. "don't turn yet, don't turn yet...ok, right there!"
2.If you have a map with directions printed out, she will want to read it to you. No matter how many times you try to tell her to read direction 25, she will start at the top of the page.
1. On long roadtrips, when she is bored, she will read every sign out loud for you. EVERY one. Call box. Exit. Street names. Speed limits.  She will only do this when everyone else is asleep, so no one else can witness this madness, nor will anyone believe you when they do finally wake.

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